What to do if Someone You Know Has Been Raped

Generally:
· Be supportive by listening and taking what the person says seriously.
· If you want to hug or touch the person to show your support, ask him or her first. Remember, the person may have been violated and did not have control over what was done to his/her body. By asking if the person wants touch, you help him/her take back control.
· Don’t ask “why” questions; they can make the person feel judged.
· Tell the person that it’s not his/her fault. Most survivors will blame themselves for what happened. It is important to counter that with strong messages that the harassment/assault was the fault and responsibility of the perpetrator and not the survivor.
· Don’t judge his/her actions leading up to, during, or after the incident. Regardless of what the survivor was wearing, drinking, etc., the perpetrator is responsible.
· Allow the person to make his/her own decision about whether or not to report the assault, who to tell, etc. Support those decisions.
· Allow the survivor to share what he/she wants when he/she wants. Don’t pressure the person to share information before he/she is ready.
· Offer resources . Encourage the person to get support.
· Be there during the long healing process. Provide ongoing support.
· Tell the person that everything he/she decides to share with you is confidential (see the exceptions below).

Specifically:
· Ask, “Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?” If the person needs medical attention, ask, “Do you want me to call the hospital the survivor is insured at.
· If no, remind the person that if he/she wants to report the assault, or at least keep that option open, then he/she should preserve all evidence. A medical examination does not mean that the person has to file a report. At the very least, he/she should be checked for STDs, HIV/AIDS, pregnancy, and other concerns.